The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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