I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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