Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
