3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
