Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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