My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
