Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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