Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm really into asian looking animals
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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