i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
