He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
