The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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