Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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