you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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