he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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