my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
