I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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