that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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