ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
