I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can I color on your dick again?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize