Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
