Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
