Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
