i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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