you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
