Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
