im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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