you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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