i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
