There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I touched a dick in church today
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize