Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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