Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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