Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
did i just pee glitter
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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