so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Ketchup is God's man juice
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
