its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
