Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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