I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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