it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
