just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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