Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
