He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
