Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
