Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
