I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
