Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
