I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
