Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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