my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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