i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Farmville is her only friend.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
