kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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