i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
