Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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