Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
