they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
