ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize