ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
