So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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