All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
