I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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