Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
