At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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