So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
