just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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