she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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