ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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