Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
