Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize