Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
