i think my mom watched the whole time
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize