I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
