It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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