I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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