at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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