Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
