Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
