I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
