it's too hot outside to masturbate.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
