Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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