Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
