just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
