I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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