I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
