i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
