We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
