he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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