I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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