I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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