Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
