Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
