I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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