She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
