A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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