you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
