a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize