I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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