It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
