he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
