Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
