I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
