She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize