You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There are leaves in my underwear?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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