So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
