Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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