so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
