five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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