I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
