I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She told me I should be a condom model.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
